Love is not for me: You may have reached a point where you tell yourself that love is not for you, that you are no longer here to waste time. If you feel identified, we explain the causes behind it.
If there is something we are looking for, it is a happy and lasting relationship. Who else and who least dreams of finding that special person who meets their expectations, becomes a life partner, and is a unique soul capable of simultaneously being an ally and refuge. However, there are many who, at a certain point, say to themselves, “no, love is not for me.”
And they do it because they accumulate one disappointment after another. Because they process each breakup as a failure, a disappointment, and an emotional swindle that leaves a mark that they do not want to experience again. Disappointments in affective matters are recurrent, but many people process them in a more complicated way.
Closing the doors to love is a choice like any other. Everyone is free to make the decisions that he considers appropriate for his future. However, denying yourself the opportunity to love and be loved is always somewhat hopeless. Because sometimes, in the least expected place and the most unexpected situation, that person arises for whom it would be worth dropping the defenses and barricades…
If there is something that we fear in love, it is being hurt, and this explains why many people adopt a defensive attitude towards relationships.
Closing the doors to love after a betrayal or disappointment is common.
Why are there people who tell each other that “love is not for me”?
We could say that there are different types of inhabitants in the universe of love. Some fall in love easily, those who bet on finding that ideal and dream figure. And on the other hand, there are many who simply do not expect anything but do not close themselves to whatever comes. That is, they are those who do not seek but allow themselves to find.
Suppose that a special figure arrives, welcome. If this is not the case, one is limited to living one’s existence to the full. On the other hand, it is more and more common to meet men and women who tell us that “love is not for me.” They are personalities that drag behind their stories, mental narratives, and pasts that are well worth analyzing.
There are childhood traumas that can determine many of the existing problems in affective relationships-
1. People you have hurt and close the doors of your heart
If we did a large-scale survey, something would be evident. Almost 80% of people have suffered damage in one of their emotional relationships.
Abandonments, betrayals, cheating, and even ghosting are frequent phenomena.
However, there are personalities who handle disappointments and damage suffered in a relationship in a more complex way. They drag with them frozen duels, wounds that close with the pain inside and do not let them live. This causes them to be more susceptible and mistrust love, to the point of not wanting to start any other relationship.
For example, if today someone shares you good night images, asks for a date another day, We do not like to go or just try to ignore or block that person. Because we cannot again feel betrayed
2. Childhood traumas: when yesterday determines present love
Having suffered abuse, lack of affection, abandonment, or death of a parent are causes of many childhood traumas. And indeed, these experiences can determine the subsequent relational dynamics. Thus, a study by the University of Quebec highlights the same.
The harmful and unaddressed effects of childhood interpersonal trauma affect couple functioning. So much so that many people end up saying at one point that “love is not for me.”
3. High expectations of what a couple should be like (the impossible ideal)
Despite not believing in Prince Charming or the fairytale princess, many are waiting for someone exceptional. Someone who stimulates them intellectually, with whom to set goals in life, with whom everything is harmony and challenges, intimacy and laughter, trust and unparalleled complicity.
They are so clear about the person they want that they idealize that figure and place it on such a high peak that no one fits into that perfect pattern…
4. Allergic to commitments
We all know someone who insists that “love is not for me,” but the truth is that there is a deeper reason. They don’t want to commit. They don’t like stable relationships, and they don’t wish to forever. Let’s live together, and even less, wake up every day with the same person.
Those allergic to serious commitments prefer relationships that are off and on, to use and change, Nothing that changes their lifestyle too much.
There are those who close the doors to love because their priorities are different, and they value their independence more.
5. Drag an excess of fears
Some people, like the titan Atlas, carry an indescribable weight. Although, in this case, said load is not that of the world but that of the sphere of fears. No relationship can be complete and happy if the most varied worries creep in.
Fear of not being loved, of not being liked, of not being enough for the other, of being abandoned, of being hurt again, of repeating the mistakes of past relationships… Loving requires courage and personal maturity. Without those dimensions, no relationship will be viable.
There are many people who fear losing themselves in a relationship, ceasing to be themselves, and that their identity is diluted with that of the other person.
6. Unrequited love
It sounds like the plot of a tabletop movie, but it happens more than we think. There are many who have only one person in the cabin of their hearts, someone who has rejected them on numerous occasions. The fact of not being able to be with who they want makes them not want to be with anyone else.
“Either you or nobody” is a somewhat dramatic vision that causes more than one to close the doors of love. That obsessive and even tragic attitude, in which someone who cannot be had is idealized, is also the origin of much suffering.
7. Those who no longer have an interest in love
It may seem like an anomaly and a paranormal phenomenon to us, but today it is common to find those who have no interest in this matter. The cause is not so much in excess of disappointments but rather in a change of interests. They are the ones who value their independence much more, their life plan (often improvised) without ties, than having a new relationship.
To conclude, each one is free to travel through the complex territory of love as they wish, in the way they see fit. Alone or in the company. However, let’s not underestimate that sometimes it’s worth letting go of barricades and living a good love story; however long it lasts…
