To love is an art.
And like all art, he asks for practice to be better.
This practice of Love leads us to make mistakes.
The biggest mistake one can make is to think that it is enough to find the right person to love to be happy in love.
So you spend your time chaining relationships without ever finding the ideal partner and never being satisfied.
Until one finally realizes that the love and the success of a relationship of love depend not only on the loved one but above all and above all of us .
For if we do not know how to love, whatever our partner, we can never be happy in love .
It took me a long time to really understand what the act of loving meant.
I have experienced several types of love story.
Stories that make you beat your heart, distant relationships , short stories, long stories, fiery stories and more stories.
I do not regret any of my stories, from the most beautiful to the most disappointing.
They have trained me and learned about others, about love, and of course about me.
I needed love, I needed to love and be loved.
Nothing abnormal a priori in all this.
But I was going to seek out of myself what had always been in me.
Time passed, the stories were chained and came a time when I felt good about myself and satisfied with my life.
I was single, fulfilled and serene.
I felt within myself a kindness towards myself.
I was not looking for anything and as I was not looking for anything … I found Love.
I met my partner with whom I have been for 9 years now.
Only recently have I understood.
I realized that I loved my partner, not to be loved.
I love her for whom she is, not for what she gives me where it brings me.
There is no need, no balance of power, no dominant dominated relationship, no stress, no jealousy, none of that.
It is a healthy and balanced relationship.
There is love.
This desire to make the other happy while respecting each other.
You might think I found the right person?
Maybe but I know that if I had met my partner 10 years ago, it would not have worked.
Because I was not ready.
I would not have had the same behavior with her, the same approach, the same reactions to the problems of the couple’s life.
I understood this when I read the magnificent book by Thomas d’Ansembourg entitled: being happy, it is not necessarily comfortable ( Amazon link ).
This book allowed me to understand why I had taken so long to achieve this balance in my life and not just in love.
We suffer when we seek in another what we are not capable of giving ourselves or rather of what we do not think we can give ourselves.
Succeeding as a couple does not mean forgetting about the couple.
It is not giving up who we are.
To be able to love, one must first love one another.
And if you do not love yourself, do not try to compensate by seeking at all costs someone who loves you.
Do not run away.
Spend time understanding yourself better, appreciate who you are, your value, accept yourself, assume yourself.
You are the most important person in your life .
Accept yourself as you are and not as others would like to see you.
This does not mean that you should not question yourself or improve yourself.
This means that you must love yourself unconditionally as you are.
In his book, Thomas d’Ansembourg says: ” I decided to stop my therapy when I began to feel in myself as a warm, friendly presence and to build on, not happiness but esteem that is to say, the consciousness and the confidence in my ability to cross the difficulties as to rejoice “.
I’m not perfect but I love who I am .
Being happy in love
I no longer feel the need to prove myself or to prove something to others for them to love me.
This was not the case in the past …
And the difference between someone who loves himself and someone who does not love himself is that the former will stop a relationship where he is not happy while the latter will remain, even unhappy, out of fear of ‘be alone.
The one who loves himself will have a healthy behavior while the one who does not love himself will be more prone to episodes of jealousy and emotional dependence .
You will understand why loving is an important act in his life.
And loving oneself is a choice that one can take.
As I said, do not run away, do this introspection.
Face yourselves, look at your defects, your weak points but also your qualities and what characterizes you.
Assume, accept, and love all that is in you.