6 ways to recover from breakup: Romantic breakups are among the most common, yet somehow underrated, traumatic events in our lives. Perhaps because breakups are so universal, most people discuss them openly with each other and are sympathetic. On the other hand, precisely because of the frequency of breakups, people can minimize how deeply hurtful and damaging a breakup really can be for an individual.
Romantic relationships bring out intense emotions that often override logic or explanation. They often tie to deep-seated feelings about our own worthiness from childhood, our parental and peer relationships, and more. When a relationship ends, even on relatively good terms, there is still an emotional reckoning taking place — the end of something we may have hoped would be continuous, which was based on mutual adoration.
After a breakup, there is still a feeling of rejection, something fundamental, something that says we cannot be together as before. That’s a tough blow for anyone’s ego. When a breakup is unexpected or sudden, the rejection can be even more intense or traumatic. The rupture to one’s self-esteem, the end of one’s plans and hopes, and the reminder of one’s past sense of rejection or failure can all be devastating.
Everyone grieves in their own way and should do what feels best for them, but many find the following steps to be helpful:
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Take some time off and let it out.
It’s probably best not to suppress or hold back one’s emotions, especially immediately after a breakup. However, the emotions can be so intense that they may not be appropriate for public display, so take time out, go somewhere private, and sob it out. Yell it out. Scream it out. It’s normal.
Talk to supportive people.
Family and friends can help, but make sure you recognize their limits as well. You may decide that professional help from therapists may be more appropriate or useful, and may provide a more neutral and long-lasting perspective. They can also point out deeper patterns of behavior or thinking that a broken relationship may be symptomatic of so that future relationships are healthier and happier.
Set firm boundaries.
One of the worst outcomes of a breakup is an on-again, off-again, ambiguous limbo relationship, which almost always leads to worsening heartache. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t wrap up loose ends or discuss important unresolved issues and questions with an ex — or that reconciliations don’t ever happen. But as much as possible, once a breakup has happened, you should limit contact with that person. It isn’t unlike going through substance detoxification: There is a difficult withdrawal period, but that is the only way to move forward and heal.
Remove Reminders of Your Ex
When getting over a breakup, one of the first things you need to do is purge your house or apartment of all reminders of your ex. After all, it is kind of difficult to move on and heal from a breakup if you still have your ex’s picture on the nightstand or if you sleep in their old sweatshirt. As a result, take the time to remove all reminders of them from your home.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to burn their belongings, throw their stuff into the street, or sell everything they gave you, but you should at least box these items up. Return anything that belongs to them if you want, or donate it to charity. The choice is yours.
Plan a Solo Adventure
After spending time as a couple, it can be hard learning to be single again. And while the thought of doing something solo may seem a little daunting at first, it also can be extremely liberating too. Of course, you don’t have to plan an entire experience, but you should plan to get used to the idea of spending time alone again.
Whether that means spending a relaxing evening alone, going on a hike in the mountains, or planning a short getaway, the key is that you get used to being alone with yourself. If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas consider choosing something that your ex would never do that you really wanted to do.
Accept That It’s Over
While it’s tempting to hold onto the hope that you will reunite with your ex, in the most cases, the likelihood of that happening is slim. As a result, you need to begin to accept that the relationship is over and that it’s time to move on. If you don’t accept that things are over, you will be stuck in limbo waiting and hoping your ex will realize the error of their ways and ask to get back together. Most of the time, that does not happen.
Likewise, don’t spend a lot of time over-analyzing what you did wrong or how you could change to keep your ex around. While it’s a good idea to learn from your mistakes, constantly thinking about what you could have done or should have done will likely keep you going in circles. Instead, learn what you can from the relationship, but keep moving forward. Each step that you take forward, the closer you are to healing and moving on.
