Today is Mother’s Day and as we scramble to buy last minute gifts for all the mother figures in our lives, let us pause and ask ourselves frankly — at a time when postpartum depression is at its peak, workplaces are especially unforgiving to women who have just given birth, and the immediate family scene is replete with taunts about being a “good mother”, is an engraved pendant or a spa session enough to make mothers happy?
A first-time mother is just as old as her child. From battling baby blues to getting the baby to latch, from changing nappies to interpreting baby’s cues, they learn everything on the job. If that were not enough, a new mother is also exposed to a barrage of unwanted advice and critical interference from others. Even as children grow older, and women resume work and careers, they are seen battling a fresh, new ordeal. Combined roles of career woman and caregiver leave them exhausted, touched out, irritated and demotivated. While motherhood is one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, for many without proper support systems, it is simply one arduous step after another.
At any given stage of parenthood, a husband plays a pivotal role in how a woman evolves into a good mother. During the unsurmountable pressures of the fourth trimester, he can be the staunchest support system for his wife, by shielding her from the constant meddling of the not-so-innocent “well-wishers”, leaving the elders in the family to take care of her nutrition and rest. In a society so patriarchal it has become second nature, it is easy for a young mother to feel alienated and left out. It is up to the entire family to make sure that she feels like an integral part of the family and not simply a sacrificing mother. “Supermom” is a word that is increasingly used today to consciously or unconsciously put added pressure on women. She is advertised as an immaculately groomed achiever in heels who manages to close high-powered business deals while chairing PTA meetings. Many women fail to realise the reality behind these photoshopped lives and end up feeling like colossal failures. Friends need to reach out to friends and share similar stories of struggle so that new mothers can realise that failures are common to everyone and that there is no shame in faltering every now and then, so long as they know they are doing their best for their children.
A happy mom is better than a supermom. A woman may be able to do everything but she is often stretched thin in doing so. It is imperative to normalise asking for help without feeling like a lesser woman. It is equally important for family members and spouses to ensure timely breaks for mothers, even if they do not voice their needs out loud. Instead of waiting to be told what to do, stepping in with consistent efforts to help them will result in a well-rested, happier and better mom than any supermom found between the pages of a magazine. In order to help a mother throughout motherhood, her village needs to step in and say, we got this together.
