If you and your spouse have been fighting more often, feeling disconnected, or sensing that something is just “off,” your marriage may be in trouble. Here are some of the most common signs:
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Communication Issues
One major indicator of marital problems is when previously open communication starts to break down. You may notice more arguments and less genuine conversation. Or perhaps one or both spouses shut down and refuse to communicate at all. Unresolved issues can silently pile up when communication pathways are blocked.
Intimacy Issues
A lack of emotional and physical intimacy is another glaring sign that a marriage is struggling. If you and your spouse rarely make meaningful connections anymore or are no longer interested in sex, it points to deeper issues under the surface. Intimacy provides the glue for a marriage – without it, relationships fall apart.
Trust Issues
When spouses stop trusting one another, either due to betrayal or repeated behaviors that chip away at trust, the foundation of the marriage can completely erode. Any trust violations should be taken very seriously. However, keep in mind that trust can also fade gradually over time from small inconsistencies and thoughtless actions.
Unresolved Conflicts
Continually arguing over the same issues without resolution creates resentment, frustration, and negativity between spouses. These perpetual conflicts and grudges often stem from underlying wounds or core differences in personalities or values. Without tackling them head-on, the marriage remains stagnant and doomed to repeat destructive patterns.
Why Saving Your Marriage Matters
It’s understandable to feel hopeless and assume the marriage can’t or shouldn’t be salvaged, especially when you’re in the thick of painful conflicts or disconnectedness. However, there are pivotal reasons to make an effort to save your struggling marriage:
For Your Children
Despite your best efforts, children are profoundly affected by marital conflict and divorce. Research shows kids with divorced parents have more psychological issues, behavioral problems, and academic challenges. Staying together in a healthy marriage can provide essential stability in their formative years.
For Your Finances
Divorce can be financially devastating with the costs of lawyers, maintaining two households, and splitting assets. Saving your marriage avoids monetary losses. Staying married allows you to combine incomes and share expenses, providing more financial security.
For Your Health And Longevity
Studies reveal that divorced individuals have poorer physical health and shorter life expectancies than married couples. Logically, this makes sense. The stress of divorce, combined with losing key social, emotional, and financial support, takes a toll. Being in a healthy marriage has protective health effects.
How To Save Your Marriage In 12 Weeks
While bringing a marriage back from the brink is challenging, it CAN be done. With focused effort and commitment from both spouses, significant progress is possible in Save Your Marriage In 12 Weeks. Here is a week-by-week plan:
Week 1: Identify The Core Issues
Have an open and honest conversation about what you feel the problems are in your marriage. Name specific issues without blame or judgment. Then, reflect on when these problems started. This can help you identify any underlying root causes or triggers so you can fully resolve them.
Week 2: Improve Communication
Practice active listening and empathy when discussing problems. Don’t interrupt. Validate each other’s feelings and perspectives, even if you disagree. Use “I” statements to avoid provoking defensiveness. Identify communication roadblocks you need to address – poor listening habits, contempt, stonewalling, etc.
Week 3: Reconnect Emotionally & Physically
Plan regular date nights to leave responsibilities behind and have carefree fun together. Try an activity you both enjoy. Flirt, laugh, and focus completely on each other instead of distractions. Reignite physical intimacy through sensual touch, creating space for this unique connection.
Week 4: Practice Empathy & Active Listening
Divorce proves your marriage by truly seeking to understand your spouse’s inner world. Ask curious questions about their thoughts and feelings. Paraphrase what you hear them say. Withhold judgments and refrain from giving unsolicited advice. Simply be fully present and validate their perspective.
Week 5: Compromise & Problem Solve
When tackling conflicts, identify shared goals and then brainstorm creative solutions that meet both spouses’ core interests. Don’t take rigid “positions.” Remain flexible and open-minded. If needed, consult a neutral third party or counselor to help you communicate clearly and collaborate.
Week 6: Let Go Of The Past
To stop past hurts from poisoning your present, practice forgiveness. This doesn’t mean denying or condoning harmful actions. It means deliberately letting go of bitterness and the desire for revenge. Free yourself from negative thought patterns. Focus only on building a better future together.
Week 7: Support Each Other’s Goals
Ask your spouse about their personal goals and dreams. Find specific ways you can enable them. Help hold each other accountable. When your partner succeeds, celebrate wholeheartedly with them! This mutual understanding and support strengthens marital bonds.
Week 8: Have Fun Together
Joy fuels love. Set up regular play dates to be silly, adventurous, creative, and activities that make you laugh. Pleasant shared experiences release endorphins that boost intimacy and affection. They provide a respite from everyday stressors and bond you together.
Week 9: Renew Your Vows
Recommending to your marriage helps revive the meaning behind your sacred promises. Reflect on why you initially fell in love and decided to commit for life. Then arrange a special ceremony to affirm your choice to keep growing together despite past pains and tests of loyalty.
Week 10: Establish Healthy Boundaries
Discuss anything that erodes safety and trust in your marriage. Define what behaviors absolutely will not be tolerated going forward, respecting each spouse’s dealbreakers. Outline consequences if those agreed-upon boundaries are crossed. Follow through consistently.
Week 11: Seek Help If Needed
If self-help efforts just amplify friction, sign up for marriage counseling. An experienced professional can equip you with communication tools, guide productive conflict resolution, uncover hidden dynamics sabotaging intimacy, and impart strategies to strengthen your bond long-term.
Week 12: Focus On The Future
Once you’ve made genuine strides in addressing the past, purposefully shift attention to dreams for tomorrow. Brainstorm bucket list activities or big goals to tackle together. How do you want your marriage to keep maturing? Regularly remind yourselves why you’re invested in nurturing an incredible future.
In just 12 focused weeks, you can turn around a faltering marriage by pinpointing and resolving core issues, reconnecting emotionally and physically, collaborating instead of attacking, prioritizing fun, pursuing counseling if needed, and committing to creating an amazing visionary future together. With two willing spouses, nothing is impossible. True love stories have arduous chapters but always miraculously happy endings. Yours deserves to be one of them!
FAQ:
What if my spouse refuses to work on our marriage?
Seek professional counseling yourself to uncover your contributions to problems and learn constructive ways to respond. Consistently model good faith efforts to improve the relationship. In time, that influence may inspire your partner to participate.
How long does it take to recover from nearly divorcing?
Typically, 12-18 months of intensive personal and couples’ work is needed to rebuild trust and intimacy levels equivalent to before a near divorce. However, some couples report it taking 2-5 years to fully heal and reconnect. Patience, empathy, and commitment are key.
Can divorce ever be the healthiest option?
In certain situations like abuse, addiction, or repeated infidelity without repentance, divorce may be the wisest choice after earnest efforts to save the marriage have failed. However, in many rocky marriages and “irreconcilable differences,” divorce is debatable and devastating.
What percentage of troubled marriages improve?
About 75% of couples that complete intensive counseling report meaningful improvements. Of those feeling “very unhappy,” almost 80% later describe themselves as “very happy” 5 years down the road. So, with help, hope abounds no matter how hopeless it feels now.
What if I’m ready to give up?
Take a time-out if emotions feel volatile. Reach out to supportive friends or family. Consult an individual counselor to process feelings constructively before making permanent decisions. Once the initial intensity subsides, clarity usually comes regarding the next best steps.
