What to do when you find out that you are the other?

What to do when you find out that you are the other
Woman in frustration breaking plate while arguing with husband. . Man and woman screams in frustration during home conversation.
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Everything was going well with that wonderful boy, until one day he confessed to you that he is married … What to do at that moment? Should you quit? Do you see yourself capable of being the other? For more relationship solutions visit bigmatrimonial.


  • Am I the other?
  • Pros and cons of being the mistress
  • Tips to be “the other”

Am I the other?

Love relationships at first are always wonderful… the passion, the attraction, the novelty… but one day you start talking in-depth with that boy and he confesses that he has been cheating on you and that he is married. At that moment you realize that you are the other, the lover, the one who is “in the middle” of a relationship and you must consider what you want to do.

The most logical option, without a doubt, is to cut off and forget about that relationship, which will always be complicated. Less than 5% of married men leave their women, so you may have to get used to being the other forever. And, if he has children, even worse, less chance that he will leave her.

However, logic does not always win the game when we talk about love affairs (or rather, never), so if you are very much in love, it will be difficult for you to leave him and you will want to believe his promises of love and future, thinking that one day he will have the courage to leave his wife.

The best thing, in this case, is to make a list of pros and cons of being “the other”.

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Pros and cons of being the mistress

As for the pros, we find:

– Freedom in the relationship. By not living together, you will have much more freedom and you will not have to face the problems of living together, getting married…

– You will avoid many conflicts and problems that you have in official relationships, such as discussions about the in-laws.

– Sex and passion will be key in your relationship since after all you are his escape route and he seeks in you that passion that is missing in his marriage.

However, it also has many cons:

– You will be alone for a long time since you will have to spend Christmas, summer, birthdays… with your wife.

– You will have to keep the relationship secret and you may have to see each other secretly or stay in places where no one can recognize you.

– It is likely that at some point you want more… to live with him, get married, have children… but if he doesn’t leave his wife, you won’t be able to have any of that.

– Relationships like this, in the long run, are very complicated, so it is likely that they will have an expiration date and that they will only last as long as your passion lasts.

– It is hard to verify that you are “the second course” and that you are not the most important thing for him, but that his family and himself are first, and then you.

– Being in the middle of a relationship and knowing that you can be the trigger for breaking up a family, even if the fault is not yours, can make you feel very bad and guilty. It’s not nice to be the other.

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– If he is unfaithful to his wife, he may always be unfaithful…

In short, being the other is hard and complicated, although it can have its good things, so you should sit quietly and think about what you want. Do not trust his promises to break up with his wife, because they may be false. You should consider if you want to continue with him on the terms that your relationship currently has, since they may not change from her, instead of hoping that he will leave her. And if he ends up leaving her, even better, but don’t count on it just in case.

Tips to be “the other”

Being the other, as we said, can be complicated. If in the end, you accept, these tips can help you manage the relationship better:

– Do not fall in love, it is difficult for it to work, so it is better that you leave it in the field of sex and passion.

– Do not trust their false promises.

– Live in the present and don’t expect more than you have.

– Enjoy every moment with him, but don’t let him control you and also enjoy your life without him.

– Do not close the door to other relationships, you may leave someone better on the way to being in this complex relationship.

– Take care of your self-esteem. Do not think that if you are not with him you will not be with anyone, you have a lot to offer and you can find another person who loves only you if that is what you prefer.

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